Monday, February 28

Lessons to be learned

If a film is advertised a lot (and I mean a LOT) on the television it's probably either a)a blockbuster or b)shite (and the latter is most likely)..
This lesson I learnt the hard way over the weekend as I went to see "Hide And Seek". Now it had promise as it starred old Bobby DeNiro (or Bob as I like to call him), and Elisabeth Shue (who I've not seen in a movie for fecking ages), but in reality it was pants.. and if you're not going to see it then


it'll be no skin off your nose to learn that it's Robert DeNiro who's a fucking barnpot going round killing the cat and everything.. but this "twist" has been done to death now (good guy is actually the bad guy but doesn't realise it because he's an insomniac or schizophrenic or just mental) and it's been done much, much better..
Rent Fight Club again (even if you own it) and watch that because it's a million times better even when you know what's coming..


In short, avoid.

And just what does Martin Scorsese have to do to get a fucking Oscar? The Aviator rocked, although he should have got Oscars for Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and Goodfellas if you ask me. Hollywood really is bullshit isn't it.. at least I didn't stay up last night to watch it, as I would have been fuming come five o'clock this morning..

Sunday, February 27


Nuff said.
Anyone who wants to take the piss can lick my anus.

Friday, February 25

Push The Button

World, the time has come to.. Push The Button
World, the time has come to.. Push The Button
World, the time has come to.. Push The Button

The question is do I press the "play" button or the "eject" button?
On the strength of the current single, Galvanize, I got my hands on the new Chemical Brothers album, "Push the Button". Throughout the day, whilst merrily whorking away (well , merrily is a bit of a fucking overstatement but you catch my drift) I have listened to the album about four times and I am mightily..


Undoubtedly there are some great tunes on there, not the least the fabulous Believe, but overall I'm left just a tad disappointed by the whole thing.

Anyway, Carling Cup weekend is upon us and, as a result, I have more important things to consider right now, like how to drink my own body weight in dirty Stella during ninety minutes (I'm well aware I'll be drowing my sorrows before we get any smart arse comments thank you very much!!)

Catch ya soon

Thursday, February 24


Don't ask me about the title..
As I really have no clue what I'm about to write about, I just picked a word at random for today's title (and to top that, a fucking french word at that, could it be anymore random? I personally think not).
Of course what I could have done is just written the first thing which came into my head (not that any of the shite that is usually written here is carefully scripted and edited or anything. Fuck. Half the time it's not even spell-checked), and then re-read it and then decided on an appropriate title afterwards. It certainly would have been more relevant then, don't you think? And then you, as the discerning reader with a busy life and a lot of the internet to browse through, could have taken a look at the (then relevant) title and decided whether or not you wanted to read it or not, rather than already being in the third paragraph and having that distinct feeling that I'm just aimlessly rambling here.
Becuase when you saw "Bonjour" like that I wonder what you were expecting to read? Who knows?
See if you'd decided in paragraph one that I was aimlessly rambling you could have been back browsing for porn by now..
Life's a bitch sometimes, huh?

Wednesday, February 23

More NIN ticket updates

Bugger me they're coming to Manchester on the 10th July 2005.
(courtesy of The NIN Hotline):

New dates:
- 14th June: Vienna, Austria, outdoor arena, tickets on sale March 7th @9am.
- June 15th: Berlin, Germany, ColumbiaHalle, tickets on sale March 4th @9am.
- June 22nd: Paris, France, Zenith, tickets on sale March 2nd @9am.
- June 29th: Barcelona, Spain, Razzmatazz, tickets on sale March 3rd, 9am.
- July 4th: London, England, Brixton Academy, tickets on sale March 2nd @9am.
- July 7th: Glasgow, Scotland, Barrowlands, tickets on sale March 2nd @9am.
- July 8th: Birmingham, England, Academy, tickets on sale March 2nd @9am.
- July 10th: Manchester, England, Apollo, tickets on sale March 2nd @9am.

Arse. Have just realised I'm getting my car serviced on the 2nd March.. as I won't be near an internet enabled PC, if anyone's going to try and get tickets and would be so kind to purchase a ticket on my behalf I will love them with all my juices - let me know!

A Brave New World

Okay the title's a bit pretentious..
Maybe it's the blizzard of epic proprtions outside the window that inspired me to be a little up my own arse this morning, but the snow really is coming down as I write this.. Big, white fluffy flakes descending in their thousands, it's like there's been an explosion in a nearby cotton wool ball factory. And there's no fucking wind today, so these heavy snow clouds are gonna hang about for quite some time by the looks of things. Oh joy of joys.

Anyway, just wanted to nip on and say how much I enjoyed seeing The Bravery last night. Due to the fact that I'd forgotten I was seeing that gig, I had no time to get MP3s of them, or do any research (I went on the recommendation of my friend Matt - who know's his apples when it comes to breakthrough bands, so when he speaks you listen, right?) so I walked into the gig cold. It's very rare that a band can impress me live without me hearing any of their material beforehand, but The Bravery did (and I realised halfway through that I had actually heard "An Honest Mistake" somewhere before). Have to see if they have an album now. Good to see all the old regulars out for a beer and a gig last night too -been too long (my fault, I know), muchos enjoyed though!!

Also thanks to Sky+ and everyone not texting me last night so I could go home and watch us spank Leverkeusen last night as if it was live. 3 - 1? Never did I dare to dream (given injuries and recent performances) that we could have pulled that out of our arses!! Joy! Fabulous evening all round then!

Monday, February 21

The Line Begins To Blur

Was mailed the second track "leaked" onto the internet from the new Nine Inch Nails album, "With Teeth", today. "The Line Begins To Blur" is definintely more akin to what I expected..
I can imagine a lot of this new stuff is going to sound fucking awesome live, as it really does seem to have been written with consideration to performing it in mind, it's less complex, less fiddly, less indulgent.. and whilst "The Hand that Feeds" seemed almost poppy to me, this has more of an epic feel to it and seems to have the gravity of a track that you wouldn't be surprised to hear on "The Downward Spiral".
Also, is it me or does Trent seem to be just a tad angry?
You'd think, given that it's what nearly 16 years since Pretty Hate Machine, he'd have learnt to sit back, calm down, chill the fuck out, just a tad.. but the underlying anger still simmers under the whole of this track.
Apparently there will be special editions of the new album too with bonus DVDs.. must start sniffing round a few websites to see if a pre-order is possible yet..

Oh what memories

My very good friend Dr Magnetic, was good enough to evoke happy memories in me today. You see, when I was doing my degree in Brum, there was only one place to head after the clubs shut and we all got booted out onto the cold, windy streets. The taxi rank? Well, ultimately, yes I suppose, but before we considered the journey back to digs we had to grab some grub.. mainly to soak up the vast quantities of alcohol supped (Oh I recall the days when the first question out of you inside the club was "what bottles are on special offer tonight?" - why the fuck else did we end up drinking Molson all night?), but also because we needed to keep the evening going, just for a bit longer, before bedways was rightways and the inevitable hangover kicked in..
Some may have headed to the kebab shop - they had no class.
Some may have headed to McDonalds - they had no tastebuds.

We headed to Mr. Egg where one could purchase Egg and.. well Egg and anything really(Sausage, Egg & Chips, etc, etc) for just about a quid (they say now it's been increased to £1.50 but this is still a bargain). The interior decor (if I recall correctly, it was always hazy when I got in there) was all yellow and white and a huge fried egg hung from the ceiling. It was pure class.. cheap as chips, huge amounts of greasy grub on your plate (what more could you ask for?) and superb banter..

Must get back to brum just to dine there if for no other reason..

The Hand That Feeds

Just heard the first track from the new Nine Inch Nails album, "The Hand That Feeds" - sorry cannot post a link, it was forwarded to me via mail and it is (as appears in the Windows Media Player) a "Shitty Radio Rip".

Tis a bit of a departure, but I'm warming to it.. really sounds like NIN have pared down their sound to the bare essentials, none of this heavily layered soundscapes that we've been used to in the past.

Too tired to think about it too much right now - it's just great to hear that Trent just hasn't been attempting to break the World Record for "the longest time sitting in a recording studio without producing fuck all" - there really is going to be a new Nine Inch Nails album out this year after all...


Friday, February 18

Quick update

Hello peeps..

Just a quick one (oo-er).
This is mainly due to the fact that I've done absolutely bugger all productive (well, in my spare time anyways) since I got back from Cyprus and, despite over twenty-four hours of "hard stares" I've realised that my suitcase ain't gonna unpack itself.
Can I just take a minute to thank the cunts at First Choice for the most cramped and uncomfortable flight I've ever had in my life. I'm not really that fucking tall, yet I had my knees crushed for the entire duration of the four hour and twenty minute flight back to Blighty. If ever there was a defnition of "cattle class" this was it. I'd avoid them if I were you, sometimes it's worth paying a couple of extra quid just to arrive home with your kneecaps intact. So remember: First Choice = cunts.
Still couldn't spoil a perfect week away, so I'm not going to grumble too much.

Oh, and to anyone who knows me, please try and keep Saturday 16th September 2006 free please. Ta.

I'm baaaaaaa-aaack

Been back about 24 hours - first chance for an update..
Mainly due to big news, things have been hectic since my arrival back in the UK.
Too knackered to write more now..
..I'm sure I'll be back before I know it ;)

Wednesday, February 9

Out of Office Reply

Thanks for dropping by, but by the time you read this I will have fucked off abroad for a week.
Not the most subtle out of office reply, but clearly the truth.
Yeah I'm off to Cyprus in about ten hours - just finished packing.
Why so late, you may ask.
Well I could tell you about the weekend of gastric flu, if you like, the non-stop vomiting, the continual spray of chunky vegetable soup splattering against the toilet bowl - but I thought as I was feeling in such a good mood (mainly due to being out of this fucking miserable country for even the shortest of periods) I'd spare you the details.
Oh yeah, sorry, too busy puking to update this blog recently - sorry.
Anyway, see y'all in a week, but I'm out of here


Thursday, February 3

Found it on eBay

Ahh eBay..
All the fun of a boot sale but without the need to get up early on a Sunday, brave the chilly British weather and stand up to your ankles in shit in the middle of a field haggling over the price of a rare Han Solo action figure.

Nope, boot sales have gone the way of the web now and you can now purchase tat (or over-priced concert tickets off scalpers) twenty four hours a day, seven days a week without the need to ever move than a few meters from your PC (we are becoming permanent cave dwellers you know, it cannot be healthy).

I haven't been a regular on the site for about eighteen months now, although I did earn quite a few bob from it (as I used to sell my crap as opposed to bidding on other people's), but am likely to be returning the world of online auctions as I have too much crap to fit in my house again and really some fucker should pay to take it off my hands as I simply cannot be arsed to take it to the skip!

Anyway, what got me on this subject in the first place? Oh yeah, a nice little tribute to the World of Online Auctions has been placed on the interweb in the form of a little song. Made me chuckle so thought I'd share.

Wednesday, February 2

Free Music

Not really inspired today, sorry..
Just thought I'd tip off people that if you got to, they now have a "free downloads" section where you can get MP3s, legally, for free.. Yeah you have to trawl through some shite to get any gems, but -hey- it costs you nothing at all and you get to listen to some new choons...
Go get 'em

Tuesday, February 1

Can Banana Trees Walk?

It's long been the case that a wise man heeds the warning "Don't believe everything you see on the television" and, in my attempts to try and be wise, I have subscribed to this saying. As a result I know that there is no such place in the East End of London called Walford, that Daleks cannot get up stairs and that David Dickinson is in fact fictional.
There are some exceptions to the above rule (thought I'd better point that out before people who spend all of their spare time in front of the Discovery Channel started to get irate). One such exception, albeit a lighthearted one, is Q.I., which I have plugged before on this blog. For the terminally ignorant, Q.I. is a quiz show that unearths little nuggets of information that, although they are not common knowledge and often border on the ridiculous (fact being weirder than fiction, after all), are actually Quite Interesting (hence, Q.I. - geddit?). It's on BBC2 and is hosted by the very knowledgeable Stephen Fry.
How else would I have found out about Earth's second moon?
It's not the sort of thing that crops up on EastEnders, now is it?
Can you picture the scene:
"Ooh cup of tea and a bacon roll to go please, Ian", said Alfie. "And did you read about Cruithne? It's Earth's second moon dontcha know? Rub-a-dub-dub, apples and pears, My auld man said follow the van.."
Not bloody likely.
Anyway the second series of this wonderful show was on before Christmas and I made every effort to try and catch it as, along with being very amusing, it is also quite informative (Q.I. again, see? Bloody clever these telly execs you know). Now as it was run on a Friday night I quite often "Sky Plussed" it and then would watch it when I got in later that night or in the morning whilst nursing my hangover. As a result, quite a lot of the little nuggets of information imparted throughout the series were lost to my alcohol-ridden brain.
But one "fact" stayed with me.
It was all about Stephen Fry recounting the fact that banana trees could walk.
It's not something you're likely to forget is it?
Banana trees. Walking.
That's the sort of thing that sticks with you.
Anyway flash forward a couple of weeks to last week in the office: Don't ask me how it came to pass, but we were deep in one of our stimulating conversations when I chipped in with the "Did you know that banana trees could walk?" line.
Now rather than generating a stunned hush, as people were wowed by this revelation, or indeed generating a very interesting conversation of a Dendrological nature something else happened..
They began to take the piss..
And this has continued until today when I announced: "Right, you fuckers, I'm going to go onto the internet and get you proof that banana trees can indeed walk".
So off I went to the internet and tried to find some page, any page, that would indeed back up my (what now seemed a tad iffy) statement.
Try typing +Banana +Tree +Walking into Google, go on, I dare you.
Not a lot of supporting evidence is there?
Had TV lied to me?
The only thing I could find was a transcript from an interview held with Stephen Fry on a show called "The Science Show" (don't get too excited though, think it's Australian so it's educational content must be called into question!) where he makes the same claim he did months later on Q.I.
Stephen Fry wouldn't lie to a Science Show would he?
Anyway whilst talking about Q.I. the interviewer (Robyn Williams) asks how they find out all of the information that comes up on the show, it reads like this:

Robyn Williams: Well, that’s quite interesting - in fact, it’s fascinating. But how was it found out, how did you get arse wiper’s facts organised?

Stephen Fry: Oh well, there are all kinds of ways, John Lloyd’s assembled a team of extremely varied and intelligent and plucky people who just check things out. But it’s often not so much that you check a fact, the point is you come across a fact and you then verify it. You don’t start off in the position, ‘we know that his bottom’s wiped by somebody else’. What happens is, you just go out looking at things, reading unusual books, finding yourself in a library picking up any old book and looking at it. It may be a book that says something like, 19th Century Malayan Dendrology and you may think it’s the most boring book in the world, but, on page 19 you discover that bananas walk sideways and that’s interesting.

Robyn Williams: They do in London, do they?

Stephen Fry: No, they do around the world, banana trees move, they actually move over the years they uproot themselves and actually shift the distance between where they were to a new place, which you might as well call walking. You see, there you are, it’s a book on 19th century Malayan dendrology, which you’d think would have no interest at all except to a dendrologist who was interested in 19th century Malaya and yet there you are, you find the interesting thing that banana trees walk. Well, I think that’s quite interesting and therefore it qualified for Quite Interesting.

This is, unfortunately, the only evidence I have uncovered so far. And whilst it's kept the mocking down to a bear minimum, I would like further proof.. So I am going to try and find further proof.. In the meantime if anyone would like to point me in the direction of evidence, please do so in the comments section.

I just have to be right on this one