Monday, November 29

Shit on the Cockneys

Shit on the Cockneys Tonight..!

2 - 1!
2 fucking 1!


..with more injuries than your average A&E department on a Friday night
..with absolutely no strikeforce to speak of
..with no "obligatory" penalty that lesser sides might need to beat the Champions
..with less than thirty seconds to go!!!

Too speechless (still) to speak any more about the game, games like that justify the purchase of a season ticket alone!!

Viva La Rafalution!

Sunday, November 28

Brutality in the Workplace

Whack Your Boss - the perfect way to unleash your homicidal tendencies without actually murdering your line manager (and, therefore, probably not getting the raise you wanted). Quite funny ideed

Friday, November 26


PJ recently mentioned that he'd been listening to Tool recently and that got me thinking that I'd not heard any of their stuff for ages. I resolved that this evening by digging out Lateralus - fabulous. Seeing as the last A Perfect Circle album, "eMotive" was pretty pants I can but only hope that Maynard James Keenan stops being so political and gets back with these guys to finish the new Tool album soon..
Anyway, cheers PJ, nice to be reminded of the decent albums I have lurking amongst the rubbish in my CD collection!

Wednesday, November 24

I desperately need.. get mind numbingly, stinkingly, embarressingly drunk.
Just need to get out of my skull for period of time..
Nothing more would be welcome right now but numbness and the inability to think

Tuesday, November 23

The quest for the new mobile...

Finding a new mobile is not the easy task it once was it seems..
I am no longer surrounded by people who embrace gadgets as much as I used to be, which is a shame as I usually take personal recommendations a lot higher than anything I read, really.
So I have turned to the internet to try and get some real help...

Firstly, though, I needed to find a provider and it would seem that O2 are steaming ahead into the lead with the kind of package I want. This is mainly due to their "online" tariffs (which means no more paper bills - you get them all mailed to you) seem to be so bloody competitive..
For example, I've been looking at the snappily titled Online Off peak 300 package, which is good for me as I rarely us mobile for calls during peak hours (as I'm in work) but text like a motherfucker. So 300 off peak minutes and 500 free text messages a month for twenty notes is pretty goddamn groovy (compared to the extortionate Orange bills I've had recently).

That being said it all comes down to the snazzy handset now..

This should be so much easier too..
I must admit that I'm loathed to go outside the "nokia comfort zone", especially since reading up about the Nokia 6230 (which is free with the above tariff too). An MP3 player, camera, video camera and it makes phone calls too apparently.. Given that the only other options for this tariff are the O2 X3 (which no-one knows anything about), and then the Motorola V600, Samsung E800 and Nokia 6260, it's not hard to see why I might be leaning in that direction..
If anyone can offer any solid advice it'd be much appreciated..

Sunday, November 21

The future's definitely not Orange..

Okay, I am looking for some advice - basically I got sick and tired of Orange as a mobile phone provider and have (finally) handed in my notice.. their bills were extortion delivered in an envelope every month and their coverage left a lot to be desired too.. (for me personally anyway).
I am looking for a new mobile, and have 29 days left to find one (think of this like a very drawn out episode of Keifer Sutherland's 24 if you will) and am looking for advice on Mobile providers (probably O2, T-Mobile or (and it pains me to fucking say this) Vodafone).. No, I'm not considering 3 at all their adverts have pissed me off - they are just so fucking lame. I mean come on a huge Jelly Fish that glows when fed Coca-Cola and a Cherry that sings "If you leave me now"? Please.

So does anyone know of a good tariff of these with a reasonable amount of Off-Peak minutes and a huge amount of texts (at least 100 included a month) that's not going to rape my bank account every month?

Also, what phones are cool at the moment? I used to be quite up on makes and models of handsets (and I coveted my Nokia 7250i for some time before I actually got one) but now I have no clue as to which one's are good or not. I have had a Nokia (of one type or another) for over four years now, but have heard rumours that they are no longer the bee's knees when it comes to mobiles.. So who are? Sony Ericsson? Sagem? Siemens? I have no clue! I will get my arse to Carphone Warehouse or The Link at some point, but would welcome any recommendations as to what is cool at the moment (I still like my gadgets, see?).

Please help! I don't want to be confused for the next 29 days!


Friday, November 19

Indians v Chiefs

It does strike me at times that to be a manager must be a thankless task..
I look at the management at the places I've worked and they always seem to be involved in endless meetings, discussions, and staring at Microsoft Excel for what seems like an eternity. Where's the sense of achievement? Where's the standing back and admiring a job well done when you actually produce fuck all. They'll all tell you that they "motivate" staff and "co-ordinate effort" but that's all a bunch of bollocks and we all know it (tis like the Emperor's New Clothes with an Organisational Structure). They produce nothing and add no (real) value - unless you really need a very pretty looking Organisational Structure.
I worry about this as there is a definite glass ceiling (in monetary terms) that you hit when you actually produce "real work" i.e. - an end product, and to realistically move into the next salary bracket I'd have to sell out and become sort sort of corporate whore who attends meetings, has an over-inflated feeling of self and goes home to an empty feeling when the realisation that I'd done nothing except sat on my ass and forced my opinion on people finally kicked in. It's not an increase in salary it's compensation for the company taking a normal human being and turning them into a cunt.
Best avoided if you ask me.

Oh and I have no idea where this random thought came from, I think it may have something to do with the PRINCE2 course I did this week and thinking about the sort of roles that opened up

I fucking think not..
Give me poverty and a sense of achievement any day of the week..
(Can anyone lend me a fiver, by the way?) ;)

It's a laugh

Off to see Jeff Green at the Lowry tonight (now for some reason Blogger has gone tits up this morning and all the things (technical term) for adding a link, spell-checking the blog entry and previewing it have disappeared.. so rather than putting a fancy link in here I'll just let you know the URL to Jeff's website is - you can then cut & paste this into the Internet Browser of your choice.. saves you having to right click and all that faffy use of the mouse I guess). It does however mean a second night away from the fabulous Half Life 2 (which still rocks, although it probably rocks more than i thought when I initially wrote about it a couple of days ago).

Tuesday, November 16

Half Life = No Life

Just got Half Life 2 and, after an installation procedure that took nearly forty minutes (I suppose there is 4.5Gb of stuff to install, plus registration and unlocking code to download) finally got to see the sequel to one of my all time favourite games (can you believe that the original came out in 1998!?).
It.. is.. fucking.. awesome..
It also shits on Doom 3 from a considerable height - and I've only just started to get into the plot (why did I plan to go out tonight? Why!? Why!? Why!?).
I can forsee this game occupying a stupid amount of my already limited free time (why have I got no holidays left? Why!? Why!? Why!?) but am sure it's going to be worth every minute. The graphical engine is shit hot and the modelling of human characters is phenomenal.. Oh and the physics engine is great too - spent WAY too long seeing how far I could throw a variety of objects (breeze block, empty booze bottle, security guard - he didn't appreciate that at all and attacked me with a stun baton... twat).
If you have any doubts about this game being awesome you are obviously mental.. get to the shops NOW and buy!
It's fookin' wicked!

Monday, November 15


Life is good, I don't get it..
Don't get me wrong, I'm still half expecting something to come along and kick me squarely in the knackers (metaphorically speaking) but that's the eternal pessimist in me I guess.. but right here, right now things are pretty groovy and it'd odd..
Very odd..
I'm not used to getting any breaks...

..speaking of breaks, have been sent on a Prince2 course this week. Prince2, for those who are blissfully unaware (and ignorance of this shit is bliss, believe me) is a methodology for running a project.. Despite the fact that something tells me that having this on the ole CV cannot hurt (apparently most Project Manager roles advertised these days look for at least a Prince2 foundation qualification, not that I'm yet ready to sell out completely and get a managerial role, perish the thought, I still actually like working for a living as opposed to delegating and having meetings for a living!), I still cannot get away that - in terms of Software Development - it's still just, well, shite..

However the course is being held in a Hotel and the catering is fabulous.
No, seriously..
Get this..
At 9 a.m we get bacon ciabattas (or egg ciabattas if you're a freakish vegetarian)
For mid morning break there are a selection of the finest Dabish pastries
For lunch we get a main course (from a selection of about five meals, today I chose the Scampi as tempting as the Monk fish and the Steak Panini sounded) and a dessert (Chocolate Fudge cake - fabulous!)
Finally, for mid-afternoon break, there are a selection of cakes..

The course may be bobbins but the food is great - wonder what's on the menu tomorrow..?
This is indeed the life! :)

Friday, November 12

Suicide is painless

I heard about this book on Radio 5 driving home from the match the other night and was curious enough to put in an order from Amazon pretty much immediately (it's in the post and will be for a couple of days as I went for the Free Delivery option). "The Book of Bunny Suicides" looks hilarious as on each page a manically depressed bunny tries to end it all in a number of inventive ways. I don't know why this appeals but it does.. and if I like it I may have to purchase "Return of the Bunny Suicides".
Will let you know.

Don't forget "Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere" kicks off tonight.. gonna be funny as hell, I can tell thee..

Wednesday, November 10

Change of supplier

So, about two months ago - I started a free trial from Blockbuster for their DVD rental, and after the first month was impressed enough to actually pay for the next month (£13.99 for unlimited rentals, up 3 DVDs at any one time and free postage and packing was pretty good).
But the best things in life are free (apart from my Season ticket which cost a King's Ransom) and so when Empire magazine published a code that allowed you to get a free months trial from I had to take them up on the offer. I'd just about exhausted Bluckbuster's usefulness anyway, as they only seemed to have one copy of any film that wan't released in the last six months.. and so they were struggling to send me anything..
So we'll see if these guys are any better, their back catalogue of older movies already seems better ("American Werewolf In London" - Hmm Jenny Agutter! and "Close Encounters" -classic- are already on their way!).

Oh and see Bad Santa - funny as fuck!

Tuesday, November 9


So have we all seen the Episode III trailer now?
Hmm.. Interesting isn't it.
It does look very slick to be honest, and Hayden Christensen looks suitably pissed off (just a bit more ticked off than "they stole my sweeties" anyway) in it. But LucasFilm do know how to cut a trailer together and build expectation. Don't believe me? Go back and look at the trailer for Episode I, it looks fabulous and then go and watch the movie, which is pants.
Has anyone found any decent spoilers though? Impatient people need to know!

Sunday, November 7

Be afraid, be very afraid

Not often that I listen to anything Alan Davies says (the smug little mop-haired twat), and it's speaks volumes of the quality of the show Q.I. that I still watch it, even though he's on every week. But this week he did offer a little nugget of information which is worth passing on, as he directed me to the phobia list.
This is an alphabetical list of every phobia that the website's owner knows of, and there are quite a few, and they vary from the very sensible (Ballistophobia, for example, is a fear of missiles or bullets - seems reasonable) to the bloody ridiculous (Genuphobia is the fear of knees!?!).
A little online oddity which makes me glad the internet is there for me to learn such rubbish

The cruelest phobia on the list, however, must be Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - which is the fear of long words.. Oh, the irony! ;)

Thursday, November 4

Remember, remember the 5th of November

Seeing as it's Guy Fawkes night tomorrow, my subconscious obviously decided that I should inadvertently get in on the act and light my own personal bonfire.. Aye, tis 24 hours early, but no time like the present, eh?
Then, read on, gentle reader..
It all kicked off today at the Chadderton Morrison's where I had been buying my lunch.. As I crossed the car park, laden with tasty goodies (actually I'm lying there, their lunchtime offerings are nowhere near that inspiring) I looked across at my car and thought.. "Cool, I don't remember having tinted windows".
It wasn't until I opened the car door and plumes of smoke wafted up into the chilly mid-afternoon air that realisation sank in.. err.. My car was on fire..
Well that all is a bit dramatic, but it was definitely smoldering nicely..
From what I can ascertain (in my own Scooby Doo detection stylee), the end of my cigarette must have dropped into the side compartment of the driver's door as I proceeded to exit the vehicle earlier that day. Now my side compartment is always full of crap (not actual droppings, but receipts, emails, leaflets, you know) and it was all, as luck would have it, quite combustible crap too! Joy! So whilst I carefully chose my sandwich in Aisle 2, the end of my ciggie was proceeding to burn it's way through half a dozen receipts and (probably) had designs on making a leap to the upholstery of the driver's seat and (ultimately) the fuel tank (PAYDIRT!). Fortunately, I'm not one to dawdle round the supermarket, so was in time to scupper it's plans before things could get too serious.
Fuck me, was I a lucky cunt.
Apart from the plastic of the compartment looking a little bit melty the car is completely unscathed. Aalthough it does currently smell like the inside of a barbeque - a carbeque if you will, a few hurriedly purchased car air freshners soon began to spread a nice Everglade fragrance where once it smelt of forest fire.
Just a bit angry at myself really.. what a asshole I am.. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learnt from this, I'm sure some higher intelligence is trying to tell me but I'm also sure that I'm probably too fucking thick to get the message.
I tell you, some days it's amazing I can dress myself
Now, where are my trousers...?

Tuesday, November 2

You what? You what? You what You what You what?

It's not often I watch ITV, mainly because they show nothing other than low-brow shite for the lowest common denominator of viewer.. How they generate any sort of advertising budget is beyond me, all I can summise is the advertisers are targeting the sort of monosyllabic fuckwit who spends a lot of time watching the channel (good luck to 'em, there must be something in it)..
Anyhoo.. after having control of the remote wrestled from me for a few minutes I learnt last night that they're launching (or should I say, have launched) ITV3..
It beggars belief..
The only thing ever worth watching on ITV2 (if you noticed that the channel actually fucking existed, you'd be forgiven for not knowing anything about it at all) was the occasional Champion's League match. All it seemed to exist for was to have extended versions of "Pop Idol" or "The X Factor".. what a load of bobbins..
So why ITV3??
Can anyone explain this to me?