It's only blummin' Friday

This morning had this weird Autumnal feel to it. 
It felt like one of those September mornings from many, many years ago when you walked to school for the first day of the new year.  You know, still sunny and yet with a cool crisp breeze in the air that suggests that soon the leaves will be turning brown and the headmaster would soon be going on about Harvest Festivals in assembly.  Not that any kids these days could relate to this, as the only cool crisp breeze they'll feel on their way to school will come from the Air Conditioning unit in their mother's monster sized, gas guzzling four-by-four.  And if ever there was a generation that needed that walk to school, it is this lot..

However there is one slight advantage of this "school run" culture. 
Now that the little 'uns are breaking up for the summer, there will be significantly less traffic on the road.  Ahh.. bliss.  It continually amazes me how much of a difference it makes, and you have to bear in mind that I travel mostly on the motorway and I do so at around twenty to eight in the morning, so you'd have thought that I would miss the school traffic anyway.  But no, I too see the difference. 

So for the next six weeks, the drive in to work will be something similar to how driving looks in all of those car commercials on the telly.  I will be sat behind the steering wheel with a satisfied smile on my face, as the tyres beneath me eat up mile after mile of gleaming tarmac, maybe just over the hum of the engine you'll hear the strains of a saxophone playing soulfully as I wind my way across this great Nation..

..And at no point will I be forced to call anyone a cocksucker, and gesticulate wildly, for moving out in to the fast lane in front of me doing barely 70 miles an hour.

Sign of a dumbass driving..

The Monday morning commute..
Ahh yes, the rat-race to work on the first day of the week, where one must endure the morons who have seemingly forgotten how to drive in rush-hour traffic over the weekend.  Maybe they partied just a little too hard this weekend, maybe they still feel a little bit rough, maybe they're not looking forward to another dull week in their dingy little office.. maybe..  Whatever.  Maybe they should consider moving out of the fast lane  and getting the fuck out of my way.

Aye, traffic was a bitch this morning with every lane of every road seemingly populated with idiotic, infuriating, incompetent idiots.  They'll cut you up, they'll slow you down, they don't know where they're going! 

Ultimately because of all of the dumbass Monday driving, you end up stuck in a queue of traffic and this give you a time to take notice of things, to look about you -something you don't often get the chance to do at 90 miles-per-hour on the M60.  So there I was sitting in traffic this morning, half-listening to the radio, when something caught my eye.. A little yellow diamond in the rear windscreen of the car in front of me, and another one in the car in front of that and yet another one in front of that.. And all of these signs said things like "Baby on Board" or "Twins on Board" or, and this is the worst, "Small Person On Board". 

(Not only is the "Small Person on Board" sign nauseating in itself, but it demonstrates a sickening level of political correctness gone mad.  You can just imagine the sandal-wearing, organic-tofu-eating twats explaining to you that "we don't want to pigeonhole Tarquin by labelling him as a baby, to label him is to negate him, we want him to flourish as a little individual".  Arseholes.)

Anyway, back to the signs..
What message are they exactly sending out..?
I should take extra care not to hit your car just because the fruit of your loins is strapped into the baby seat on the passenger?  How arrogant is that?  I never had any intention of hitting your car anyway.. Or any other car for that matter.  I'm going to take exactly the same amount of care not to hit your car, mainly because I don't want to crash, damage my car, go through all the insurance nonsense, etc, etc but mostly because I don't want to be any later for work than I already am thanks very much..  I certainly won't be taking any additional care just cos your brat is strapped into your motor..

Or maybe that isn't what the sign is saying that at all.. maybe it's boasting about the fertility of the driver?  Maybe the sign is a way of shouting to other drivers: "Look! My seed has spewed forth and forged a child.  All hail my mighty bollocks!".

Mighty bollocks, indeed.

Needless to say, I won't be sticking one of these god awful signs in my motor (and my suggestion to stick a "Gestating foetus on board" in my better half's car as a means of an ironic protest against these signs has been turned down too)..