Monday, April 3

Sign of a dumbass driving..

The Monday morning commute..
Ahh yes, the rat-race to work on the first day of the week, where one must endure the morons who have seemingly forgotten how to drive in rush-hour traffic over the weekend.  Maybe they partied just a little too hard this weekend, maybe they still feel a little bit rough, maybe they're not looking forward to another dull week in their dingy little office.. maybe..  Whatever.  Maybe they should consider moving out of the fast lane  and getting the fuck out of my way.

Aye, traffic was a bitch this morning with every lane of every road seemingly populated with idiotic, infuriating, incompetent idiots.  They'll cut you up, they'll slow you down, they don't know where they're going! 

Ultimately because of all of the dumbass Monday driving, you end up stuck in a queue of traffic and this give you a time to take notice of things, to look about you -something you don't often get the chance to do at 90 miles-per-hour on the M60.  So there I was sitting in traffic this morning, half-listening to the radio, when something caught my eye.. A little yellow diamond in the rear windscreen of the car in front of me, and another one in the car in front of that and yet another one in front of that.. And all of these signs said things like "Baby on Board" or "Twins on Board" or, and this is the worst, "Small Person On Board". 

(Not only is the "Small Person on Board" sign nauseating in itself, but it demonstrates a sickening level of political correctness gone mad.  You can just imagine the sandal-wearing, organic-tofu-eating twats explaining to you that "we don't want to pigeonhole Tarquin by labelling him as a baby, to label him is to negate him, we want him to flourish as a little individual".  Arseholes.)

Anyway, back to the signs..
What message are they exactly sending out..?
I should take extra care not to hit your car just because the fruit of your loins is strapped into the baby seat on the passenger?  How arrogant is that?  I never had any intention of hitting your car anyway.. Or any other car for that matter.  I'm going to take exactly the same amount of care not to hit your car, mainly because I don't want to crash, damage my car, go through all the insurance nonsense, etc, etc but mostly because I don't want to be any later for work than I already am thanks very much..  I certainly won't be taking any additional care just cos your brat is strapped into your motor..

Or maybe that isn't what the sign is saying that at all.. maybe it's boasting about the fertility of the driver?  Maybe the sign is a way of shouting to other drivers: "Look! My seed has spewed forth and forged a child.  All hail my mighty bollocks!".

Mighty bollocks, indeed.

Needless to say, I won't be sticking one of these god awful signs in my motor (and my suggestion to stick a "Gestating foetus on board" in my better half's car as a means of an ironic protest against these signs has been turned down too)..

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