More crap I wrote years ago
Well I could resist no longer.. too knackered and skint to do anything else interesting tonight (and the TV schedulers doing their usual of serving up seven tonnes of shite as their early evening programming), I slipped the first Star Wars trilogy disk (Episode IV: A New Hope, for the benefit of any one who's been in a coma since 1977) into the DVD player and was transported to a galaxy far, far away.
Bliss.
It still kicks arse, even if I still wince at some of the Special Edition changes. Did you know George has changed the soundtrack as well as the visuals? And I don't just mean mixing it into Dolby Digital. No. Listen out for Ben Kenobi's howl on Tatooine to frighten away the Tusken Raiders - totally different (and nowhere near as good).. there also a couple of extra lines of dialogue in there I'm sure. Anyway, that aside it was fabulous..
And it got me thinking about a short story I wrote years and years ago, I think it dates back to either 1997 or 1998 anyway.
You see the thing is there's a bit of a plot hole at the end of Star Wars. The Death Star is blown up (thanks to Luke Skywalker, credit where credit is due), the rebels are flying home to get tarted up for the big piss up you just know happens after Luke and Han get their medals (and for the record, why did Chewbacca not get a medal, he's the fucking co-pilot of the Millennium Falcon for fucks sake).. but the last shot we get of Vader's TIE fighter is it flying off into deepest, darkest space.
So what gives?
We already know from the dialogue earlier in the movie that TIE fighter's are short range fighters, so there's no way Vader's flying back to Coruscant.
So how did he get back to the Empire?
Well I wanted that question answered, and took it upon myself to write an explanation. Reading it back after all these years, I'll admit, it's fairly lame, but there's a couple of good gags in there (I think).. So, here it is STAR WARS
Episode V.I - The McDark Lord.
(by the way the formatting of this document sucks, you may need to "save target as" and open it in notepad with word wrap on, unless you like using scroll bars a lot!)
Bliss.
It still kicks arse, even if I still wince at some of the Special Edition changes. Did you know George has changed the soundtrack as well as the visuals? And I don't just mean mixing it into Dolby Digital. No. Listen out for Ben Kenobi's howl on Tatooine to frighten away the Tusken Raiders - totally different (and nowhere near as good).. there also a couple of extra lines of dialogue in there I'm sure. Anyway, that aside it was fabulous..
And it got me thinking about a short story I wrote years and years ago, I think it dates back to either 1997 or 1998 anyway.
You see the thing is there's a bit of a plot hole at the end of Star Wars. The Death Star is blown up (thanks to Luke Skywalker, credit where credit is due), the rebels are flying home to get tarted up for the big piss up you just know happens after Luke and Han get their medals (and for the record, why did Chewbacca not get a medal, he's the fucking co-pilot of the Millennium Falcon for fucks sake).. but the last shot we get of Vader's TIE fighter is it flying off into deepest, darkest space.
So what gives?
We already know from the dialogue earlier in the movie that TIE fighter's are short range fighters, so there's no way Vader's flying back to Coruscant.
So how did he get back to the Empire?
Well I wanted that question answered, and took it upon myself to write an explanation. Reading it back after all these years, I'll admit, it's fairly lame, but there's a couple of good gags in there (I think).. So, here it is STAR WARS
Episode V.I - The McDark Lord.
(by the way the formatting of this document sucks, you may need to "save target as" and open it in notepad with word wrap on, unless you like using scroll bars a lot!)
posted by SilentBazz at
10:20 pm
2 Comments:
"I find your lack of faith disturbing"Of course I knew that, that's why I mention in the story that the blast wave from the exploding Death Star knocked out Vader's Hyperdrive...
Cannot believe you found this, that must have been written about the same time, actually.
God, google groups really keeps crap for ages, doesn't it?
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