Monday, July 10

The horror! The horror??

Sat through the 2005 version of "House of Wax" last night as I  was looking forward to enjoying a good horror movie.  The main appeal of this particular flick for me was that Paris Hilton (the heir-head) was supposed to be brutally murdered during the movie (and that is true, not as soon as I would have hoped, but it was quite violent, so hurrah!).  Also it was described as "gory" so I was looking forward to something reminiscent of Halloween, Evil Dead or the Nightmare on Elm Street flicks (before they got camp and rubbish).  You see I used to really enjoy a good horror movie, I used to really like a good scare from movies like "Return of the Living Dead", "The Thing", Cronenberg's "The Fly", "Re-animator", etc, etc..

But you know what?
They just don't make good horror movies any more.
All of the surprises in last night's flick you could see coming a mile off (you know the signs, character goes off to explore on their own, music gets tense, suddenly character moves to edge of frame, music dies, silence, character turns and (with a loud crescendo from the score) bam! They turn right into the monster.. yawn..), and although the gore was a tiny bit gross, mostly it just had me laughing at the inventiveness of the deaths as opposed to really recoiling in horror. 

Why don't they make proper, scary, Certificate-18 horror flicks any more?  They all seem to be certified for "ages 15 or over" at the moment, which is probably to attract the brain-dead teen audience who are just looking for a few "jump" moments so they can cop a handful of breast in the dark.  And whilst there is a market for that, somebody should be trying to make proper dark and unnerving horror films with at least a semi-intelligent plot and characters who's concerns go beyond "what college to go to after the Summer".

Sigh.

Because they all suck.. your "Final Destination", your "House of Wax", your "Jeepers Creepers" (jeez -even the names sucks, ffs!).  They are teeny trash and there isn't a scare worth having between the lot of them.

And before anyone starts banging on about Japanese cinema here, if I see one more flick with a freaky pale kid, with dank dark hair, who moves in an odd way (The Grudge, Ring), I'll throw up.

So is anyone listening?
Can we please get a decent horror flick?
Thanks!!!



p.s. A non-remake would be nice too, thanks!!

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Hills has Eyes remake is pretty horrid.

9:50 am  

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