A first!

I'm actually observing a No Smoking Day today - must be the first in seventeen years or so..
Ta-daaa!
No doubt there'll be a lot of non-smoking related guff on the news, and in the papers and even on t'internet (BBC News Health section carries the story that "A fifth of smokers plan to stop" -what they neglect to include in the headline here is the end of the sentence which reads "just before the end of the filter, before reaching for another fag"), and no doubt there'll be plenty of advice on how to quit.  A loft of the softies out there will recommend NHS help lines, or patches or even chewing nicorette gum if you are thinking of stopping.  This, however, is quitting for pansies.  This is quitting for losers.  You're not a loser are you?  Let me hear you shout: "Hell no, I'm not a loser".  Right now say it like you've got a pair.  Good.  Now, if you're looking to really stop smoking here's my 2 step "Quit Smoking" plan:

1. DON'T BUY ANY FUCKING CIGARETTES - If you ain't got 'em, you cannot smoke them especially as all of your friends quit years ago, so there's no-one to bum a cigarette off anymore. 

2. DON'T STICK A FUCKING CIGARETTE IN YOUR MOUTH - If you have cigarettes and want to quit, don't be going sticking them in your mouth and lighting them as this is not, I repeat not, quitting.  If you still think you want to stick them in your mouth, stick 'em up your arse first and see if they still seem as appealing.

However, if you don't want to quit, then for god's sake don't.. don't be peer pressured into it either.  Don't allow a nanny state which advocates things like "No Smoking Day" to sway you.  I always really resented No Smoking Day when I was a smoker, as it gave every non-smoker I knew the opportunity to have a little dig at me and wield their little smoking facts: "You know each cigarette you smoke take's two minutes off your life?" - unfortunately it was never the two minutes when you had to endure talking to the do-gooding non-smoker.

So I think, in summary: quit if you want to, smoke if you don't is the main thrust of this rant.  Just, whatever you do, don't whinge or be whinged at - and I think we'll all get along okay.