Chucking the bath out with the bath water

Well there's only about a week to go before chaos reigns in my home.
You see I'm having the builders in (this is not a euphemism, this is actually happening).  After nearly six years of quietly loathing my bathroom, it's finally being ripped out and replaced, and it is not a minute too soon really. 

You see my current bathroom is a real testament to bad, bad taste, a pink bath, a brown sink and toilet (what WERE they thinking..?), I could go on, but I think you can fill in the rest of the awful details with your imagination. 

When I first looked round the house my initial reaction was - "Eww, that'll have to go as soon as possible".  And it was going to be done as part of my glorious "5-year plan" that was going to revolutionise my house (in reality only stage 1, the kitchen, got done within the five year time limit I set myself and that was only because it was nigh on impossible to cook in there beforehand).

But, despite me quietly hating it every single day since I moved in,  the bathroom has managed to survive since May 2000, which really is a testament to how you can put up with and then eventually just get used to things if you're forced to look at them every day.  Or it could be a testament to just how fucking lazy I am.  You decide.

But soon it will be all gleaming white bathroom fixtures, super sci-fi chrome taps, brand new tiles and lovely laminate flooring - it truly will be a fabulous setting in which to have a dump.

The only thing that bothers me is the actual process involved in converting the shit bathroom into a fantastically modern loo. I don't like having builders in, all those crashing, banging noises set my nerves on edge and it makes me panic when I hear plaster falling off walls or hear the sound of leaking water pissing everywhere.  I don't like the fact that they'll use terminology that I'm not familiar with:  "Oh yeah, mate, we've just got to get a monkey bend to fit onto that jointy pipe otherwise you run the risk of your badger flange backing up".  What does that even mean? 

I just won't like the inconvenience of having a miniature building site in the smallest room in the house.  Yeah it will all be worth it in the end, and I look forward to the many happy craps I will have in my new spangly bathroom.  But, I tell you, I'm going to be a nervous wreck for a week when the work starts, so I'd imagine things will get a bit weird round these parts when it does.

See you then..