Sleigh Bells Ring, Are You Listening..?
Okay, who the hell decided that it should be December already?
I mean come on, it's pigging ridiculous.. I've barely got over the crushing disappointment of a lousy summer and already it's time to deck the halls and jingle bells?
I am totally unprepared for Christmas (as you might have gathered)..
Total number of presents bought to date: Zero
Total number of Christmas Cards sent to date: Zero
Total number of Christmas Cards purchased to date: Zero
Total length of wrapping paper purchased and/or used: 0.00 metres
Total number of mince pies eaten: 6 (oh come on, who can resist them?)
Bugger.
This is not, in any shape or form, helped by the fact that nearly every other bugger around me seems to be sitting there with a certain air of smugness saying: "Well, of course, I finished my Christmas Shopping in April"
Did you?
Did you really?
Well bully for you, you overly organisied bastard, now brace yourself for the kick in the knackers I will be swiftly administering..
Why haven't I got round to this before now?
Why hasn't anyone even dropped the slightest of hints as to what they may want/like for Christmas?
Arrrgghh...
I think I need a personal shopper to go and do all this shit for me.. the thought of braving a High Street at this time of year fills me with dread (filled as it will be with thousands of moronic, stressed consumers, all clutching brightly covered carrier bags and cooing over plastic fucking reindeers in gawdy window displays).
And with all the former luddites now turning to the internet to do their Xmas shopping (let's face it, most people wouldn't know what the internet fucking was a couple of years ago and now their all downloading ringtones, bidding on eBay and shopping online - cunts), the delivery times for popular websites is now frigging ridiculous..
What a fucker, eh?
Oh well, I'll probably end up hitting the 24 hour garage on Christmas Eve, I'm sure people will love a Magic Tree air freshner as a gift (it's roughly shaped like an Xmas tree anyway), or a tin of de-icer (practical and thoughtful) or, if worst comes to the worst, a copy of Razzle.
Ho Ho fucking Ho..
I mean come on, it's pigging ridiculous.. I've barely got over the crushing disappointment of a lousy summer and already it's time to deck the halls and jingle bells?
I am totally unprepared for Christmas (as you might have gathered)..
Total number of presents bought to date: Zero
Total number of Christmas Cards sent to date: Zero
Total number of Christmas Cards purchased to date: Zero
Total length of wrapping paper purchased and/or used: 0.00 metres
Total number of mince pies eaten: 6 (oh come on, who can resist them?)
Bugger.
This is not, in any shape or form, helped by the fact that nearly every other bugger around me seems to be sitting there with a certain air of smugness saying: "Well, of course, I finished my Christmas Shopping in April"
Did you?
Did you really?
Well bully for you, you overly organisied bastard, now brace yourself for the kick in the knackers I will be swiftly administering..
Why haven't I got round to this before now?
Why hasn't anyone even dropped the slightest of hints as to what they may want/like for Christmas?
Arrrgghh...
I think I need a personal shopper to go and do all this shit for me.. the thought of braving a High Street at this time of year fills me with dread (filled as it will be with thousands of moronic, stressed consumers, all clutching brightly covered carrier bags and cooing over plastic fucking reindeers in gawdy window displays).
And with all the former luddites now turning to the internet to do their Xmas shopping (let's face it, most people wouldn't know what the internet fucking was a couple of years ago and now their all downloading ringtones, bidding on eBay and shopping online - cunts), the delivery times for popular websites is now frigging ridiculous..
What a fucker, eh?
Oh well, I'll probably end up hitting the 24 hour garage on Christmas Eve, I'm sure people will love a Magic Tree air freshner as a gift (it's roughly shaped like an Xmas tree anyway), or a tin of de-icer (practical and thoughtful) or, if worst comes to the worst, a copy of Razzle.
Ho Ho fucking Ho..
posted by SilentBazz at
8:13 am
2 Comments:
Christ, can't I ever get a big present for Christmas?
I ordered from Amzon.co.uk last week -estimated delivery time? 17th December - ffs!
Ooh hark at you using the phrase "knob jockey"..
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